Monday, 8 March 2010

Priorities of a socially anxious girl who hates you

Do you know what the worst thing about suffering from Social Anxiety Disorder is? It ruins everything if you let it, and for me it has done just that. It's ruined three jobs for me and I am now unemployed and sitting still as I watch the world move around me. It's horrid.

My social anxiety stems from the time I spent as a team leader for my local branch of Sainsbury's plc. where a certain member of my team didn't like having me as their team leader and made things extremely difficult for me. It got to the point where I felt like I was being psychologically bullied but everytime I tried to report it I had no proof, or was told I was imagining it. I wasn't the only person this individual treated this way and it went on for two years until I could no longer deal with it and handed in my position as a team leader (something I was damn good at) and took a part time position with the company instead whilst I went back to college full time.

I thought that by removing myself from the circustances that were making me feel like I did, it would help stop it, but the damage had already been done and it got to the point that my social anxiety led me to leave college after just a month and hand my notice in despite having no other job to go to.

It wasn't long after this that I got a new part time job whilst being treated for my social anxiety. I was getting better and then word got to me that the people I used to work with at Sainsbury's had heard about me being signed off of my new job because of the anxiety and had been openly taking the piss out of me at work, and on social networking sites like facebook.

It was around this point that I came to realise that no matter how long I had to battle my social anxiety because of people like that, I would be okay because I'd never sink to their self obsessed level. I look back now and realise that I had a lucky escape because I was working with some truly shallow, vile people.

The key with social anxiety is that it doesn't matter how low you get (and trust me, you can get low) you're being true to yourself about how you feel, and if you'v admitted that you have a problem then you're well on the way to getting better.

Life goes on, and by cutting out the crap that made me ill - such as colleagues that think their opinion on my life counts, I can now focus on getting better, and can focus on achieving the things that I've always wanted to do. Sod them.

1 comment:

  1. It happened to my ex-wife, and she still struggles. She found that duloxetine (an SSRI) helped: I believe Seroxat (paroxetimne sulphate) is also effective in managing Social Anxiety, though it had a bad rep but neither me nor lisa ever had any problems with it. CBT can also help - but do make sure you are getting medical support, and good luck!

    cj x